Cast on the Corner

Earlier in my life I used to feel that I'd know what was going on later. It has always been about later. I'm 29 now and have begun to question the whole concept of later. Will I have myself together when I'm 35? 50? Will I ever, as they say, get myself together or am I always going to feel that I'm letting myself down, I could do better, I should do better, I must do better.

I've begun to doubt that I'll ever triumph over these shadows. It is as if I am facing a corner, with spotlights in front of and behind me but they only are active when I'm not looking at them. I only know that they are there because I feel the heat and see the shadows the force me to cast upon the wall. The shadows I cast loom above me; stretching omniously skyward before snapping down, sharply and crisply, when they are examined.

Pharmacology has been a small help in dealing with this issue- but pharmacology is not a permanent solution to any problem. The 'Talking Cure' does not seem to work, because I'm only myself when I write, draw, or sing... the stage makeup only comes off when there is no stage on which to perform and, as Shakespeare is credited with saying "all the world's a stage."